I am just getting sick and sicker, by each day passing. Standing alone is the worst thing to do. Got family, got friends, but still gain no strength. People would say this is only a little ujian given by Him. One day, He would give us the way out. One day, they said.
Till now, what are the things do I get? Nothing. Inner strength has became vanished. Feel like just wanna scream. But people would say, only insane people do scream. Do nonsense talking. Do am I like one? I think so, I said.
Yesterday was history, tomorrow is mystery. Today? For me that would me misery. Endless misery. Endless grief. Immortal sorrow. One could say, be strong. But what a life can give when people only has strength but the real problem does not even getting solved. One says.
Being too dependent would be too impossible for the moment being. Being cheated by the one has led my future in doubt. Ending one thing that has been started would led people’s faith on me being unsure. To begin a new chapter would be too far from my reality. Do one understands me? Definitely no, only Him.
Being a real dead meat, day by day. Do one cares? No one cares. Seems to lose confidence? Yes. Why? Each and every effort I did, reached a dead end. There’s no way turning back. How sure are you? Not sure, but seems likely. Hmm. Hmm..
“Hey, do not give up!” “You are other’s inspiration!” Words of comfort, words of action. Till when? People with great success did passed great journey of both ups and downs. My stories tend the latter, the downs. When I raised another step, another greater problem comes. Mengeluh? Entah.
After all, eyes of sympathy and fingers of blame are pointing towards me. Yeah, they deserve it and I deserve to be blamed. It is not easy to convince people how strong you can rise up again, after thousand and thousand tries you fell down. People will keep saying, “Padan muka, dah salah kau.” Thanks.
This time, I know He will help me out of this misery. Out of today, there must be one of the tomorrows is my day. The day I would become a man, who will read these words. Staring the past time, connecting the anecdote.